"We don't have a system in Canada where we have preferential treatment for someone who's famous or rich. We welcome stars and mere mortals and everyone else to Ontario and they have to respect our laws."

- Stand-up comic and Ontario Health Promotion Minister Jim Watson explains that Sean Penn did the smoking but Toronto's Sutton Place Hotel will have to pay the fine. The reason for that is, um ... well, it's that, ah, really, we don't know. Anyway, the important thing is that Watson has given all smokers, not just movie stars, the green light to smoke at Sutton Place. What a guy!

2) "Something, when you love it, is always tugging at you and itching at you, and I was putting it off and putting it off. I started fumbling around to see if it felt good."

Jay-Z tells Life Style Extra that he can't keep his hands out of his trousers. Actually, he was talking about quitting his early retirement, even though he sounds so very ready to shuffle off to a home.

1) Amanda Brack, former personal assistant to Naomi Campbell, is suing the lovely and talented supermodel for attacking her three times, spitting in her face and tossing her passport into a swimming pool. Brack says Campbell used both a Blackberry and a phone as weapons, which sounds a bit redundant. Sometimes an old-fashioned Rolodex is all a girl needs.

2) Tara Reid has removed her jumbo breast implants and had them replaced with smaller breast implants, a surgery not unlike what she appears to have had done to her brain. According to In Touch, Reid said, "Everyone does it. I don't know why I'm the one who gets so much attention," while standing drunk and half naked outside a party, probably.

3) "Taking into account the physical preparedness and financial capabilities, the dream of Louise Ciccone of a space flight could be realized in 2009."

- Space agency spokesman Igor Panarin (AP) says Madonna might be able to go into space in 2009 but that nobody has yet figured out how to keep her from coming back again.

1) "People seem more interested in setting someone up as this bad person, that disheartens me a little bit. We all mess up, we're all capable of upsetting each other, but equally, we're capable of making it better, of healing wounds."

1) "That just is ridiculous to me, that somebody's gonna think the owner of Girls Gone Wild is gay? I would have said anything with a gun to my head."

Joe Francis, boss boy of Girls Gone Wild, explains that he only admits his orientation under duress. Something like that, anyway. The lovely and talented Francis was talking about that home invasion on Dateline, not that anyone cares.

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